Have you ever been depressed, stuck, eager to turn it around, but weren’t sure how best to go about it?

I’ll start by saying that this is a genuine question with the aim of drawing suggestions from others’ experience and strength, and I thank all genuine respondants from the bottom of my heart in advance. I will apologize, in advance, for its length, but I need to get it out, so I will use whatever resources I can to effect that, including edits. Those who have nothing intelligent to say, I implore you to move on to another question, as I can assure you that there are plenty of unintelligent questions out there begging for unintelligent answers. Contempt for blatant stupidity is a signature trait in any personality profile one might choose to construct for me.

I am a 37-year-old man who is married to (who I think is) the most wonderful woman I could hope to meet. I am deeply in love with her, and despite my own first-person concerns, she is the main reason I am reaching out to others in hopes of discovering (or, perhaps, being reintroduced to) ways to help turn around my situation.

I have been a chiropractor since 2003, and without going into a lengthy exposition as to my rationale, I have decided that I cannot practice chiropractic without violating my conscience. I have not practiced since October 2008, and I have since inactivated my license(s) to practice. My intermediate-to-long-term goal is to secure admission to medical school and to pursue that avenue, hopefully in a way that allows me to expand upon and integrate what I already know. I am very lucky to have married a woman who supports this position and, in fact, admires me for it (which is something I’m not sure I understand fully, considering what I put into it). My difficulty arises from what has been the short-term since discontinuing chiropractic practice. It is primarily economic, but my disposition, as a result, is turning me into someone I don’t like, and I know it has to be making it harder on the woman I love on a number of levels.

Economic prospects for most new chiropractors are bleak; I am happy to dispute virtually any governmental report that states otherwise. They aren’t the ones saddled with over $120K in debts with most employment offers (when they’re available) in and around the $36K-$40K per year range. Dave Ramsey has a word for people who take out those kinds of loans to earn that kind of salary: “stupid.” How I wish I had been a Dave Ramsey listener 10-15 years earlier with a better glimpse of the future. What I thought was a profession largely on the up-and-up is truly replete with criminals and deviants of a multitude of backgrounds. Making the decision to walk away from chiropractic wasn’t easy, as it involved me looking back and realizing that I made a major life decision based on recommendations and a gross dearth of facts and figures. I owned up, though, and decided to chart a new course, as it was the only way I could make things right in my mind. My short-term goal was to work on securing employment in the interim so as to maintain some form of income while fleshing out what would become my longer-term plan.

Employment opportunities for people who have a chiropractic education, I have found, are considerably scarce. I know that jobs, overall, are scarce now, but even more so for characters as pigeonholed as chiropractors. Prospects either wonder why on Earth you’d be applying at their establishment or they think you’re beneath pond scum. Either way, focus is taken off your need to work and placed on why you’re not in the field you studied so hard to enter. Any discussion that ensues derails the goal of getting hired even further.

I have been trying to attain employment in areas that would generally leverage what I already know, such as doing insurance exams for life insurance applicants. I’ve gone through their training, but they have yet to contact me to get me started, despite my patience and continued contact with them. And, by the way, it has nothing to do with a background check, as they wouldn’t have gotten me started with their training if there was a concern that came back on the report.

As we are in the process of refinancing our house for a lower interest rate, a friend suggested I look into becoming a contract mortgage closer, which doesn’t require any formalized training, according to her. I am looking into this, as well, but the process of gaining the necessary certification/credentials, despite not requiring formal training, is a time-consuming process, which, despite that truth, I have begun.

Not having meaningfully worked for a long time has truly worn on me and has deeply affected my mood and disposition. I don’t snap at my wife or anything, but I have become increasingly withdrawn and seemingly unable to say anything because I know that anytime I open my mouth, nothing positive is going to come out. I personally feel like a human concrete weight, and it is slowly (but ever more rapidly, lately) killing my soul.

Of course, I thank God for the fact that my wife is in (what seems
to be) a good job and we haven’t really gotten behind. It’s the small things I notice that serve as a reminder that I’m not pulling my weight, for reasons within or beyond my control – I don’t even know at this point. For example, the other day, she mentioned that she needed some of her work pants hemmed, and she wanted to take them to a local cleaner to have it done, but when she saw our bank balance, she got really quiet and somewhat distant. After some time, I was able to elicit from her that she is frustrated with our situation, but that she feels badly for even feeling that way. I know she didn’t want to say anything for fear of hurting my pride even more than it already is as a result of my situation, but I really hate not knowing what’s bothering her. I’d just as soon have her tell me flat-out and risk hurting my feelings. I’m from the Northeast, originally; I like to know where I stand with someone, even if it isn’t in their good graces.
Anyhow, the bottom line is that I believe that I am getting to a point of depression where it is beginning to interfere with my ability to function and my will to reach beyond my borders. I know, cognitively, that is counterproductive and I am considering seeing a physician regarding possible antidepressant therapy (God, who isn’t on that crap, nowadays?!), but in the meantime, I’m hoping that someone who reads this might have been in a similar situation (well, no, I’m not really wishing that on anyone – it’s just that if you’ve been there … you get my drift) and was able to find their way out of it successfully. I feel very disinclined, at the moment, to move. I feel trapped and very alone, despite the fact that I share this house with the most wonderful woman I know. I know this has to be indescribably hard for her, too, even just to watch.
I want to do what’s right for both of us. I don’t want to let myself or her down. I need some feedback and suggestions, and that’s why I put my life of late out there for all in Yahoo! Answers-land to read. I almost fear what may come back, but it’s a chance I’m willing to take. That far, at this point, I am willing to venture.

Again, I apologize for the length of this diatribe, but if you’ve made it this far, I would think you have a heart of gold, and I would be interested in your take, your feedback, your thoughts, and your experience, that which you would share.

Thank you so very much…

i’m sorry about your situation..
i think that you should just keep your mind and thoughts in today.
think about how the animals have no concept of time….if you have made a mistake, then it is already behind you. think of how hard you are going to work to make this moment great. and i’m not talking about in the long run, because if you have big aspirations, and they don’t follow through, or you get let down…then that only makes you more depressed.
in no means am i saying that you are self centered, but to get your mind off how you feel and your depression, think of others. think of their behaviors and do not get mad whenever you think you have dissapointed them. try to explain to them your point of view, because if you think about things the way i said above, then you will have like no regrets.
god bless, and i hope i could help.